Lifting weights.

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You have walked into my trap, this isn’t a fifteen minute blast of me sharing how I make my mad gains. Nope this is about shifting those mental weights, the things we let hold us down, the things we allow to hold us back. So instead of being physically strong, removing the bragging rights to your squat or bench max it is time to free yourself of the mental weights we encounter. Now these can be imposed on us or self inflicted but either way the bottom line is we choose to allow them to remain, but probably the most dangerous aspect of these weights we bear is the fact that sometimes we don’t even know they are there. We can live our lives held down without truly knowing because we adjust the wrong way to the influences that are upon us.

I have been pushed a bit from pillar to post in this subject. For the bulk share of my life I existed carrying around weights I didn’t know were there or more accurately I should say I knew were there but accepted them to be something else. Quite simply as ‘part of me’. But as with all things it all bubbles up to the surface sooner or later. Mark my words there, there are no exceptions whatsoever. So I carried these weights, these ‘things’ around for a long long time assuming that was just me and my life until life swung into gear and forced the issue and made me look further into myself, further into my happiness or should I say further into my unhappiness. As I have documented before, unearthing the root cause of my behavioural loop, the year one of the creation and manifestation to something I kind of knew was there but accepted as my ‘normal’ was the beginning of the making of me yet it was something else that forced me into a corner leaving me no option but to  address everything in my life, in my mind.

The avoidance of facing it throughout my life eventually brought everything to a head at a time that was quite honestly very inconvenient for me but that is lifes job. Not ding things when you deem them to be the right time, perfect timing doesn’t exist in that way. Instead perfect timing is doing something when you are meant to, not when you want to. No one really wants to have that close look at themselves as it involves looking at some potentially very ugly parts you. All of this does alter how you see and approach things and for me, now penned in that corner I had to begin to look, I had to begin to delve and I needed begin to resolve. Strangely it wasn’t really this that changed things for me, well it did as it taught me many many things but it was coming through all of that and emerging on the other side that I felt myself change. I had made all the necessary behavioural changes. I had learnt where I was going wrong but more importantly it had unlocked something in my mind. It was like a filter had been added to my entire thought process and outlook. A little bit of an anti-bullshit filter.

Yet this wasn’t me home and dry. I had started to realign myself, during that process my then partner decided to move on with her life but that didn’t stop me. I didn’t just throw the towel in and revert back to my old ways, seeing as it was the attempt to save my relationship that has led me onto this path and just because that relationship didn’t exist anymore didn’t mean the new me didn’t either. I had made a commitment to straighten out the rails and that is what I was going to do. I persevered, I worked, I refined and I focused on one thing; being a better version of myself each and every day and that is something I achieved and something I continue to strive to achieve each day from here on out.

Yet there was a weight that held me down for a long long time and none of my new tricks, skills and lessons seemed to be able to shift it. Single life was something very new to me having effectively been in relationships for twenty years  and on one hand I coasted into the single realm, applying myself into my work and my own self care but on the other hand I never felt like I had truly broken free. Well, I hadn’t. I wasn’t allowed to and held in this state of limbo like I was a safety net that was left in the background as a reassuring glimpse and link to the past. Not the nicest of experiences when someone who was said to have loved you but was quite happy to inflict this mental torment as they skipped along through life seemingly not overly bothered by the fallout. This part of my life truly is the best example I have for describing the weights we carry around as we try and struggle through the endless and countless sleepless nights with my mind racing, running through every possible scenario once every scrap of trust had disintegrated and although relief was felt when it all ended the weight continued to press down on me. Never truly tasting freedom or being able to move on and nothing I did, no matter how busy I became seemed to shift anything at all. I did feel this though, I did feel it pressing down on me each and every day. Regardless of the lack of emotion and attachment I could physically feel my world being compressed.

I won’t lie it takes it toll and although I was long passed joining the dots that I knew were there my life was hindered. Like swimming fully clothed, yes you can do it but it gets exhausting quickly and if you’re not careful you can get into trouble and having that choice to be able to move fully untaken away from me really did affect me but; the day did come. After a very long and gruelling torment the clouds lifted and with a handsome sum having to be paid I was released from my mental shackles and as I have said, when that news came through I actually felt the weight lift off of me.

So sometimes, no matter how in tune we are with ourselves or well being and our situation. Sometimes there are factors quite simply out of our control and we just have to ride the wave until they run their course. This doesn’t mean your whole life has to be on standby. Personally I have made the biggest and most successful moves and decisions ever in my entire life while I was suspended and waiting around. But only waiting for the true end. I refused to let my life be on complete hold because of her and every decision, every goal, every scrap of progress was made for me, by me. The weights we carry round with us can affect us in ways we may not even realise but once made aware of them we can adjust and we can recalculate how to move forwards each day.

That is the key, to accept everything is rarely perfect but we can enjoy happy, healthy and completely fulfilled lives. then, when we actually lift those weights it feels even sweeter. It is a turbo boost to what you have already been doing and whatever was holding you down fades into the distance leaving you only with the lessons and the strengths enduring it created.

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